I mentioned in the last post that there were several things that have happened that have helped me draw closer to God over the last several years. As I matured as a Christian I felt myself getting better, but not where I really wanted to be. So the next few post will talk about some specific instances that helped me progress in my Christian walk.
I began dipping Copenhagen when I was 15. Over the course of several years, 21 to be exact, I tried numerous times to quit. Every attempt was a complete fail. I would always tell Kristin I was going to try and quit. At first she would get excited, but after numerous failed attempts I think she lost any confidence that it would actually come true. There were times that the withdrawls were so bad that she would offer to go buy me a can if I would not be in such a bad mood anymore.
But a few years ago I decided that I truly wanted to quit. I decided to do something I hadn’t ever done with any of my other attempts before, pray to God about it. I had always tried to do it myself. I guess I figured I got myself into it and I needed to get myself out of it. But, this time I began to pray about it daily. I prayed to God that He would show me the exact time and place to quit and give me the strength to follow through with it. I also prayed that I would be paying enough attention to notice when that was. So I made my mind up that I would continue to do it until I felt that moment from God I was hoping for.
On December 14, 2016, my oldest son played his first basketball game ever. He played in a local league and another dad and myself were the coaches. Anyone that knows him knows he loves basketball. He was so excited to get to play a real game. So that day was so awesome to get to see him play and see his excitement. He talked about it for days leading up to it and the next 6 days following it until the next one. Not only that, but I got to help coach his team. Then later that night we went to my wife’s cousin’s wedding. We were at the reception and I watched the father and daughter have their first dance. I couldn’t help but think while watching about my daughter and how I looked forward to that day. Since it was my baby girl I was thinking about, maybe it was that I dreaded that day. Whatever the thought, it made me think a little bit!
Then on the way home, our youngest son sang all the words to a Christian song on the radio. That is what station the radio usually stays on so he had more than likely heard that song many times. I noticed it but didn’t think too much about it. I looked over and Kristin was crying. I asked her what in the world she was crying about. She said, “Sometimes life is hard and raising kids is hard and you wonder if you are doing any good at raising them. Sometimes you feel like you are doing a lousy job actually. Then you hear a 4 year old sing every word to a Christian song and realize that at least they are picking up on some of it somewhere”. I thought, man that was deep. I just thought it was cool that he knew the words to the song. But she took that to a whole new level. But, she is a lot deeper thinker than I am most of the time. So I did what I usually do when that happens and kept driving really not thinking about anything deep like that.
Then it hit me. In one day I had something happen with all three of my kids that made me happy, proud, excited, among other emotions (not sure what to call the emotion thinking about my daughter getting married). I didn’t want to miss any of this. I didn’t want them to see me dipping anymore. They had already began asking what it was and if the could do it and what it tasted like. So, as I continued to drive home with a big dip in my mouth, I decided that was it. That was God’s moment for me to stop. That day was the day I had been praying for. He had given me that sign and I had actually paid attention. I told myself that when we got home I would spit the one in my mouth out and flush the rest of my can down the toilet. That is exactly what I did. Only I didn’t tell Kristin this time. I wanted to just do it and not talk about it first. This December it will be 3 years since I have had any tobacco and it feels great.
I asked myself what was different about that time versus the dozens of failed attempts before. The only difference was that I involved God. I finally decided that I couldn’t do it myself and I needed help. I wanted to quit for my family and myself, but I couldn’t do it alone. Then that made me think about what all else we try to do alone. What all else do we think we can conquer without God’s help? What do we think is too minor for God to mess with? How many times do we think like I did that I got myself into this so I need to get myself out? Maybe we just simply don’t think about asking for His help for whatever reason.
This was honestly the first time I remember praying for something big and intently watching for the results. I asked Him to help me and show me the right time to quit. As I began to pray about this every day, I found myself getting closer to God. I felt my relationship with Him getting stronger and stronger. Giving up an addiction is the hardest thing I have ever done. Based on my other previous attempts, I at least, couldn’t do it alone. I encourage everyone to take things to God in prayer and ask for His help. It’s much easier when you don’t try to do it alone. I think so many times we think we can do it on our own or we don’t want to burden Him with request. Then we miss out on opportunities to receive his help and his power. I did for 21 years. It was only with his help I was able to give up that addiction!
My prayer for everyone is that they will go to God and not be afraid to ask for help with anything. I pray that we will always remember that He will help us through a lot of things we can’t do by ourself if we just put our trust in Him. In Phillipians 4:6-7, Paul urges us to take everything to God in prayer. Taking things to God in prayer will help us have a peace from God. It is the peace of knowing that God is in control. It is a great feeling to know that whatever it is, it is in God’s hands!!!