Tales From The Bullpen by Jared Cudd

After being able to stop dipping tobacco after all that time, I felt a lot closer to God that I ever had. My relationship with him continued to grow from there. I saw what He did for me and was so grateful. I began a Bible study every morning after my workouts. I had worked out for a few years early in the morning, but I did it in time to get ready and go to school right after I was finished. So I decided to get up a little earlier and make time for God every morning. This helped in my relationship with Him. I prayed more that I ever had before. I began to feel better about my Christian walk than I ever had. I also began to lead my own family spiritually more than I ever had. Over the next couple of years I continued to grow as a Christian. I continued to mature and seek Him more every day. I had a long ways to go, but felt like I was on a better path than I had been before.

A couple of years later I had another series of events that changed my life even more and once again helped me grow closer to God. A lot of people that know me know that I was really close to my grandparents. I had been very fortunate to have all four of my grandparents around for many years. Like many boys and their grandpas, my Grandpa Jim was one of my heroes growing up. We spent a lot of time with all my grandparents, but especially him and grandma. We used to go there on the weekends and there was so much to do. I remember when all my family would come to their house for holidays and have the best time. We had those great times because of them. Grandpa had the ability to do and make just about anything. Even if he couldn’t he would definitely at least try it. It was always entertaining when he was around. One thing you could bet on is that you would always be doing something. There wasn’t a lot of sitting around. He liked to stay busy.

Grandpa was diagnosed with cancer in 2018. I knew how fortunate I was to have had my grandparents around as long as I had, and I knew that the day was going to come when I wouldn’t have them anymore. But, that doesn’t make it easy. Grandpa passed away in July of 2018. At the time I didn’t realize just how much this would change my life. I knew it would obviously change, but didn’t know exactly how or to what magnitude. It was a really hard time for all of our family. He was such a good Christian leader for all of his family. I struggled with it. It was hard to realize that we wouldn’t see him again. It was tough to think about not being able to call him and ask him how to do something. But, it was also awesome to look back on all the memories and be forever grateful. It also gave me a peace knowing exactly where he was and that one day we would see him again.

Growing up, I saw him as grandpa. I saw him as a special guy to our family. But, after his death I also heard so much more about him that I had never heard before. I heard about the people he impacted throughout his years as a devout Christian man. He had a 9 hole golf course at his house. It was absolutely beautiful. That’s where Kristin and I got married on that cool July 31st day, outdoors, in a full tux. Guys would come out there and play golf all the time with him. It was also fun to go out there and play as a kid and adult as well. After his death I heard stories about that golf course that I hadn’t heard before. I heard about how he used the golf course as his platform to talk to people about Christ. I heard stories about how he would talk to people about God as they became golfing buddies. He reached people through his golf course all the time. I also heard stories about how he and grandma would have Bible studies in their home to help people learn about Christ. These are things that I didn’t always realize about them. I knew that they were good Christian people, but I didn’t fully comprehend the impact spiritually that they had on so many other people. I’ve been told I am like him in a lot of ways, but I hope and pray that I can have even a small portion of the impact on people spiritually as he did some day.

I remember one day shortly after grandpa’s passing, I was sitting on the front porch doing my Bible study. I prayed for quite awhile that morning. I prayed for a lot of things. I thanked God for giving me so many great years with grandpa and for the example that he was to me and all my family. I also thanked Him for all the people that grandma and grandpa impacted along the way. I thanked him for the impact he was on my parents. Because of the impact of all my grandparents, my parents were great examples and passed that love for Christ down to me. I also thanked God for the impact that hearing all these other stories had on me. It motivated me to be a better Christian. I remember specifically praying that God would use me however He wanted to further His Kingdom. I told Him I was ready to take steps forward and have a bigger impact on people. I felt more motivated than ever to step up and be a spiritual leader. I wanted to follow the example of the people that had lead me. I wanted to do it for the people that had been and were currently an example for me in my life. I told Him just to lead me and show me what He wanted me to do and I would do it to the best of my ability!

As I stated before, I had gotten better at some things. Going to church every Wednesday night wasn’t one of them. We went every Sunday and were active in small groups on Sunday nights. But our Wednesday night attendance was spotty at best. We live 25 miles from church. So we always had a reason (excuse) of why we didn’t make it. We were busy or it was just too far or we needed to get our kids to bed. But, the bottom line is we just didn’t always go. Well, go back to that prayer that I prayed that I was ready for God to use me. It’s funny how things work out. Be careful what you pray for because you just might get it!

Literally within 2 hours of praying that prayer that morning on my front porch our preacher calls me. We had a little small talk for a few minutes and then he said he had a question for me. He asked me if I would teach an adult Wednesday night Bible class. I remember thinking while on the phone, “Man God that was fast. It’s only been a couple of hours”. I immediately just smiled and accepted Aaron’s invitation to teach. I had taught classes at church before, but this one was a little different. One thing that he didn’t tell me on the phone that day was who all would be in that class. There were leaders in our church in there. There were older people that I felt were way more knowledgable than me and way more qualified to teach that class than me. The preacher was also in there some. That makes things a little more nerve racking. That takes the nervousness to a whole new level. Not that these people are scary people, you just don’t want to mess up in front of the preacher (not sure if he will read this or not ). But it obviously got us there on Wednesday nights after that, so thank you Aaron. Once again, the power of prayer is amazing and impactful!!!

So if God giving me the time and place and strength to quit dipping didn’t convince me of God’s power on our lives, this prayer to have God use me any way that He could to further His Kingdom definitely did. This only enhanced the spiritual closeness I had to God. This led me to not only continue my Bible study every morning and pray each morning, but also through studying to teach this class I gained knowledge of the Bible and grew closer to God as well. This was the first of a few events I will discuss in later post that God has placed me in to help further his Kingdom.

Proverbs 3:5-6 encourages us to trust in God. We need to trust him with all of our heart. When we do this, he will show us a path to go. Through these series of events I learned this. The closer I got and the more effort I put into growing closer to God, the more I realized this to be true. If we trust him, all things will work out for good!!!

I am going to begin to do one post a week. I will hopefully post it on Sunday each week. There are a couple of more post that will deal with things similar to the last two that are part of my spiritual journey. I just felt like the more I trusted God, the more He trusted me with. I feel like that is where growth comes from. Trusting God and following where He leads you, even if it isn’t always comfortable is so important. Sometimes the most powerful things happen when we step out of our comfort zone!!!

I mentioned in the last post that there were several things that have happened that have helped me draw closer to God over the last several years. As I matured as a Christian I felt myself getting better, but not where I really wanted to be. So the next few post will talk about some specific instances that helped me progress in my Christian walk.

I began dipping Copenhagen when I was 15. Over the course of several years, 21 to be exact, I tried numerous times to quit. Every attempt was a complete fail. I would always tell Kristin I was going to try and quit. At first she would get excited, but after numerous failed attempts I think she lost any confidence that it would actually come true. There were times that the withdrawls were so bad that she would offer to go buy me a can if I would not be in such a bad mood anymore.

But a few years ago I decided that I truly wanted to quit. I decided to do something I hadn’t ever done with any of my other attempts before, pray to God about it. I had always tried to do it myself. I guess I figured I got myself into it and I needed to get myself out of it. But, this time I began to pray about it daily. I prayed to God that He would show me the exact time and place to quit and give me the strength to follow through with it. I also prayed that I would be paying enough attention to notice when that was. So I made my mind up that I would continue to do it until I felt that moment from God I was hoping for.

On December 14, 2016, my oldest son played his first basketball game ever. He played in a local league and another dad and myself were the coaches. Anyone that knows him knows he loves basketball. He was so excited to get to play a real game. So that day was so awesome to get to see him play and see his excitement. He talked about it for days leading up to it and the next 6 days following it until the next one. Not only that, but I got to help coach his team. Then later that night we went to my wife’s cousin’s wedding. We were at the reception and I watched the father and daughter have their first dance. I couldn’t help but think while watching about my daughter and how I looked forward to that day. Since it was my baby girl I was thinking about, maybe it was that I dreaded that day. Whatever the thought, it made me think a little bit!

Then on the way home, our youngest son sang all the words to a Christian song on the radio. That is what station the radio usually stays on so he had more than likely heard that song many times. I noticed it but didn’t think too much about it. I looked over and Kristin was crying. I asked her what in the world she was crying about. She said, “Sometimes life is hard and raising kids is hard and you wonder if you are doing any good at raising them. Sometimes you feel like you are doing a lousy job actually. Then you hear a 4 year old sing every word to a Christian song and realize that at least they are picking up on some of it somewhere”. I thought, man that was deep. I just thought it was cool that he knew the words to the song. But she took that to a whole new level. But, she is a lot deeper thinker than I am most of the time. So I did what I usually do when that happens and kept driving really not thinking about anything deep like that.

Then it hit me. In one day I had something happen with all three of my kids that made me happy, proud, excited, among other emotions (not sure what to call the emotion thinking about my daughter getting married). I didn’t want to miss any of this. I didn’t want them to see me dipping anymore. They had already began asking what it was and if the could do it and what it tasted like. So, as I continued to drive home with a big dip in my mouth, I decided that was it. That was God’s moment for me to stop. That day was the day I had been praying for. He had given me that sign and I had actually paid attention. I told myself that when we got home I would spit the one in my mouth out and flush the rest of my can down the toilet. That is exactly what I did. Only I didn’t tell Kristin this time. I wanted to just do it and not talk about it first. This December it will be 3 years since I have had any tobacco and it feels great.

I asked myself what was different about that time versus the dozens of failed attempts before. The only difference was that I involved God. I finally decided that I couldn’t do it myself and I needed help. I wanted to quit for my family and myself, but I couldn’t do it alone. Then that made me think about what all else we try to do alone. What all else do we think we can conquer without God’s help? What do we think is too minor for God to mess with? How many times do we think like I did that I got myself into this so I need to get myself out? Maybe we just simply don’t think about asking for His help for whatever reason.

This was honestly the first time I remember praying for something big and intently watching for the results. I asked Him to help me and show me the right time to quit. As I began to pray about this every day, I found myself getting closer to God. I felt my relationship with Him getting stronger and stronger. Giving up an addiction is the hardest thing I have ever done. Based on my other previous attempts, I at least, couldn’t do it alone. I encourage everyone to take things to God in prayer and ask for His help. It’s much easier when you don’t try to do it alone. I think so many times we think we can do it on our own or we don’t want to burden Him with request. Then we miss out on opportunities to receive his help and his power. I did for 21 years. It was only with his help I was able to give up that addiction!

My prayer for everyone is that they will go to God and not be afraid to ask for help with anything. I pray that we will always remember that He will help us through a lot of things we can’t do by ourself if we just put our trust in Him. In Phillipians 4:6-7, Paul urges us to take everything to God in prayer. Taking things to God in prayer will help us have a peace from God. It is the peace of knowing that God is in control. It is a great feeling to know that whatever it is, it is in God’s hands!!!

This blog is in no way meant to be about me being a better person or better Christian than anyone else. This is meant to help people understand that everyone has things that they struggle with and there is one common hope, Jesus Christ. I heard a quote by Denver Moore that says, “I’m a nobody that’s tryin to tell everybody ‘bout Somebody that can save anybody”!!!

I have had my share of struggles. I will tell some of them along the way and talk about the things I did to try and become more confident as a Christian. I don’t have all the answers, but I am in a lot better place today than I ever have been. That is also what I want for everyone else. I feel like there is a shift in this country with Christianity. I feel like people are starting to get to be more outspoken about their faith and that is the only way that anything will get done. That is the only way that this country will get back to its roots. Christians have been silent too long and it’s time we take a stand. It’s time we be proud of our faith and share the good news to those around us!

I’m going to give a little background on myself, and in a series of several post on here I will eventually get to where I am today. I feel that will help people to understand where I am coming from and maybe that will help some relate to my story more. I grew up a preacher’s kid. My dad left the oil field and started selling insurance when I was young. Then, when I was 6, he began preaching. He has been preaching for over 30 years at this point. So, as you can imagine, I was at church every time the doors were open. But, just because we were a preacher’s family doesn’t mean it was always easy to get up and go. I can remember Sundays when my mom would have to holler and scream and shake me trying to get me up. I was and still am a very hard sleeper. So some of that time I really didn’t hear when she tried to wake me up. But, there were other times when I did, but I really just didn’t want to get up and go to church(sorry mom). I was a typical teenager and wanted to sleep. But, I never got away with that. I always ended up going (thanks mom and dad).

I went through my high school years and stayed out of trouble for the most part. I wasn’t perfect by any means, but I respected my family name and tried to live up to that the best I could. There was a time during my college years when I didn’t have that same dedication to doing what was right. I was like many other college students in the fact that we had a good time and the Christian life wasn’t my main concern. I won’t bore you with details about what all went on at that time. I’ll leave that up to your imagination. But, I finally grew out of that in large part to my wife of 15 years now.

I got married the year that I graduated college to a wonderful girl that is still the best thing to happen to me. She came at the right time during college. I had so much respect for her that it changed me. It changed the way I did things. It changed how I looked at life. If you haven’t met anyone like that before, my prayer is that you will at some point. She was and still is a wonderful Christian girl. The only issue is that she was a different religion than I was, which is a story for another day. But being a preacher’s son, you can see how that would cause some issues. Let’s just say to save a lot of time, that after a few years of marriage and rough times, everything worked out and we have never been happier. Maybe at some point I will get into that issue as well.

So, for years, I did what I imagine many people do. I did what I call floated along. I went to church each Sunday. I felt like I was doing really good. I felt like I was doing what I was supposed to do. We went to church. That doesn’t mean we were active. It just means that we went. I would have times when I felt closer to God than others, but looking back, I lacked a real relationship with God for many years. I wasn’t near as good as I felt I was. In all actuality, when I look back it scares me to death to see how I was at that time. It’s almost more scary than when I didn’t have much of a relationship with Him at all because at this time I was being fake. I fooled myself into thinking everything was fine. It makes me so thankful for God’s grace and mercy. He kept a guy like me around long enough to realize that I really had no relationship with God. I realize now that going to church on Sundays does not mean I had a relationship with God. It doesn’t mean that I was in a good place at all. I didn’t realize it at the time, but my wife was in a lot better place than I was in her relationship with God. I am so thankful for that because I really believe that is what kept us going. I was basically a Sunday morning Christian and she was living out her faith daily. If you have someone like that in your life, hang on to them because that is priceless. Even better than that, be better than I was and strive to be that for the people around you!!!

Now, from that point to now there are a lot of things that played a role in me finding a much deeper relationship with God. There are struggles and triumphs. Over the next several post I will discuss these things and share my experiences and what helped me to overcome passiveness as a Christian. I will share this in hopes that someone that is in the same boat as I was for many years will read this and realize that they can change too. I hope they realize that it takes some self reflection and willingness to make a change. It takes willingness to truly seek a deeper relationship, but it is so worth it in the end.

II Corinthians 13:5 urges us to do a self examination to see where we are at in our walk with Christ. We should check for growth and see if we are progressing as Christians. Hopefully we can say that we are. But, true self reflection and examination is the key to figuring that out. If we are not taking steps to grow closer to him, we are inevitably growing further away. Strive daily to do something that will help you grow closer to God!!!