I haven’t ever really talked much about my baseball career in this blog. One reason is because I don’t figure many people really care. Another reason is the purpose of this blog is not to talk about me specifically or anything I have accomplished or not accomplished, but to be an encouragement to those that read it and help people realize we are all in the same boat. We all have the same highs and lows as the next person. But lately I have had several people ask me about my career. I guess that is because I have had several baseball related things lately with camps I help with and players playing in different events. With those questions sparked a lot of thinking on my part as well. So here goes with a lot of the thoughts that have gone through my head lately (I promise there is a point to this besides me just telling my baseball story that has no relevance to anyone else).
I was drafted by the Seattle Mariners out of high school in the 47th round as a draft and follow guy. That means that whoever drafts you basically owns the rights to you for the next year until the next draft. This also means that they believe that the potential is there for you to become a part of their organization at some level during that 1 year time frame. If they don’t sign you within that year then your name just goes back into the draft the following year. I was a skinny 175 pound 18 year old kid (I was a sophomore in the pic above but not much bigger when I graduated) that threw hard for a high school player but wasn’t ready for the minor leagues at that time. They told me they would sign me if I wanted to go ahead and go and they would basically give me a plane ticket (maybe just a bus ticket) to their facility and that was about it. Ultimately they recommended that I go to college and play for a year and get stronger and increase my pitching velocity and then look at possibly signing at that point. So that’s what I did.
I went to college and the fall was very promising. It was very successful and things seemed to be on the right track. By the spring I had spent a lot of time in the weight room and had matured physically and gained about 30 pounds of muscle and was throwing much harder than when I got there. I went into that spring as the #1 pitcher on the staff. I had progressed as they wanted me to and I was looking at signing with Seattle at the end of that year and starting my way through their minor league system in hopes of one day reaching the big club. Around spring break that year, which was a month or so into our season, I went out one day to play catch and I couldn’t feel my last two fingers on my throwing hand after playing catch for awhile. They were numb. I’m going to skip some details with the injury stuff to make this shorter and not bore you with information you don’t care about. At that point I was done for the season. They weren’t sure what the problem was right away, but I wouldn’t pitch again that year.
The training staff shut me down completely until July 1. They told me they hoped by then it would be better and I wouldn’t need surgery. When I went to throw again on July 1 I still had the same problems that I had before, elbow pain and numbness in my fingers. I wasn’t sure what to do at that point. I had basically just spent a season not getting to play due to this injury. Since it happened pretty early in the season, the coaches were able to get me a redshirt, which I was very thankful for. But, I couldn’t just pitch at that point. It was too much strain on my elbow. I could still throw just not at the level that a starting pitcher needed to. I went to an orthopedic surgeon back home. They told me I needed surgery but it was too late for that and still be able to play the next year because by this time it was the end of the summer already. I ended up transferring schools to a school closer to home. I played 3rd base that year there and closed a few games on the mound. So I made it through that year with pain and a lot of ice. As soon as the season was over I had surgery to repair my elbow.
I rehabbed after that surgery and came back the next year ready to go again. I had a successful rehab and was back to just pitching again. I was close to what I was before, and getting better and stronger every day. If things progressed the way they were I was a possible draft pick again. I had been on top my freshman year. Then hit bottom with the injury. Then worked hard to get back to where I was and was back on top again. I had all the confidence in the world. At the time of my elbow surgery I wondered if I would ever be back to where I was before. I questioned if it would happen. Then it did. I was back to doing what I loved and at a high level again. Then one day it all changed.
I was throwing a bullpen a couple of days before my next start when my life changed all in one pitch. I went to throw a pitch and it felt like someone stuck a knife in my shoulder. My arm immediately dropped to my side. I’m pretty sure I made some kind of awkward involuntary noise that goes along with that amount of pain, but I don’t remember that exactly. I told my pitching coach, who was standing there with me, that something obviously didn’t feel right. I regrouped after a short break and tried to throw another pitch. We both hoped it was just a stinger. Well, it wasn’t. I couldn’t throw at all. I couldn’t even lift my hand up to my shoulder. When I tried to throw the ball just fell out of my hand. Immediately my world came crashing down. I knew at that point it was over. My dream of playing in the big leagues was over. I had no idea what the damage was to my arm, but it wasn’t good. I knew I would never be the same again. Those were the immediate thoughts in my head. But over the next few days until I went to the Dr I had convinced myself I had went through surgery rehab once and I could do it again.
I went to the Dr, the same one that did my elbow, and they did an MRI. They told me it was bad, and bad enough that they wouldn’t know the exact extent of the injury until they got in there and did the surgery. I asked them how long they thought I would be out, just based on what they saw on the MRI. They told me at least a year, maybe more. Wow, there went that confidence that maybe I could do it again.
At that point I knew my career was more than likely over. I had to have surgery to be able to do anything. I couldn’t even raise my arm to wash my hair. So the surgery was essential. But to pitch at the level I wanted to in order to have a chance at a future in the game was doubtful at best. But, I still held out hope.
After surgery they told us what all they found in there. It was actually worse than they thought. I had a torn labrum, 4 tears in my rotator cuff, and a torn bicep tendon. That is substantial damage for anyone, especially a pitcher. So I then ask the question that everyone asked when something like this happens. How long am I out? They told me probably a year and a half. I was entering my fourth year of college by this time. I would almost be finished with school by then (I took the 5 year route so I still had a little time). I remember sitting down with my family and talking about it. Then I remember sitting down with my coaches and talking with them. They had been around this game for a long time and knew many scouts and what went into their process when looking at players. At that point, it was almost certain that no one was going to draft a 22 year old that had 2 arm surgeries, most recently a complete shoulder reconstruction. There was also a chance of hurting it again and having lasting impacts. I still had a dream of playing catch with my kids one day too. So at that point I decided to hang it up and call it a career.
That was very hard to do. A couple of posts ago I talked about identity and where we put our identity. Mine was in baseball. I had a dream since I was very young to play in the Big Leagues. It seemed at one point that was a possibility. Then, in one pitch, that was all gone. It was tough for awhile but I had to suck it up and move on. It was time to look ahead and figure out where was I going from there.
I tell all of that story not to talk about my baseball career that was 20 years ago that no one cares about. I tell it to say this. As people have asked me about my career I have thought about all the questions I have asked myself and God over the years. Why me? Why did it happen to me? What if I had stayed healthy? Would I have made it? Would I have had a lengthy career? Would I have made millions of dollars in the Bigs? Would I have gotten there and not been able to handle the money and that lifestyle and made mistakes with it? Would I have gotten to the minor leagues and never advanced? Would I have spent years traveling on a bus making very little money and staying in hotels all across the country and never made it to the Show? Who knows the answers to all those questions. But trust me, I have asked them hundreds of times over the years.
As I have gotten older and matured as a Christian though, here is what I know. There are many questions, but only one answer. That answer is this – I am exactly where God wants me to be. I am married to the exact person I am supposed to be married to. I’m not sure anyone else could put up with me quite like she does. I have the 3 children that I am supposed to have. I have the friends and the support system I am supposed to have. All of this is possible because I got hurt. I would not have ended up at my second college if I didn’t get hurt the first time. I would not have met my future wife had I not ended up at that second college. I would not have the wonderful kids I have. I wouldn’t have the friends and support system I have if I had not ended up at that second college. I truly believe that this was all part of God’s plan for my life. I still to this day don’t know exactly why it happened. I have my ideas, but obviously I am not the one qualified to answer exactly why. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” God has a plan for our lives. This doesn’t mean we won’t go through hard times or face obstacles, but He will see us through it and it will end with a glorious heavenly ending. I have no doubt I’m where I’m supposed to be. If you have faith in God and surrender everything to him and follow where He leads you, you will always be right where you are supposed to be.
Look at where you are at in your life. Examine the journey of how you got to where you are. I bet when you do, your journey has had many twist and turns and ups and downs just like mine. It may not have been through sports, but everyone has their own journey. Everyone, if they put their faith in God, ends up right where they are supposed to be. We don’t always see it at the time. I didn’t. It took years. A good friend of mine and I were just talking about this last night. We all have a story. It is always so awesome to hear other people’s stories and how they got to where they are. We don’t always have the answers right away. God does though. If our faith stays in the Almighty, eventually when we stop and look around at where we are, we realize that we are all right where we are supposed to be!!!
